Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
