We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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