no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
