woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
