My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize