I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
