Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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