Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
