my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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