A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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