yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
