I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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