70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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