Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
