I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The uberlube is also flammable
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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