ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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