Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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