I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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