Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
