he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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