im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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