Your tits are I can't wait for
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize