It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
