Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
