i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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