do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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