why didn't you poke me back
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
