I wish my penis had an off switch
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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