Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
