Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize