If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
