So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
