That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
