it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
