If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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