I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
