her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
