how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
