well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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