I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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