dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
