all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
