We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
