She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
