just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
