i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
