No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
