just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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