What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
