Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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