my mouth tastes like poor choices
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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