Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
