I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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