I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
