Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
