Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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