I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize