so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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