is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
