i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
