It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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