Already got asked if we're dating
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
