Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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