belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
