new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
