can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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