i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
