I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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