I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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