And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
