im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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