Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
