Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
