im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
