If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize