Redeem this text for a blowjob
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
