Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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