I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
