Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
