his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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