It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
