Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
