I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bring money and cleavage
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize