Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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