I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
