I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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