Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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