And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize