At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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