Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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