Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
