Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
