the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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