and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
