Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
